Too Big To Bleed
I walk into the room like gravity lives in my boots and everyone else is just loose change rolling wherever I don’t step
Every eye that doesn’t land on me feels like a crime
every laugh I’m not in feels like a threat I have to prep
I talk over people mid-sentence just to hear my own voice polish the air
Every fact you bring
I twist till it proves I was already right standing there.
I built this whole identity on never flinching
never folding
never letting anyone catch me saying “I was wrong
” I’d rather torch a bridge, a job, a friendship
an entire fucking city than admit I’ve been faking strong
I’d rather drag us both off a cliff arguing who grabbed the wheel than say “you might have a point
” That’s how far my spine has fused around this joint.
You want me to bend when bending means I’m just like you on the floor
I’d rather snap, Scatter bone, Block the door.
I am too big to bleed
that is the lie I carved into my skull like scripture I refuse to revise
If I start to leak, if I let one wound show
the whole facsimile of me collapses in my own eyes
So I will burn this house, this town, this bond
this platform before I say “you’re right
I fucked this deed
” I would rather die the myth in my head Than live and bleed.
You bring proof in both hands, hard numbers
clear footage
my mistakes lined up like soldiers on the screen
I grin, shake my head, call it bias, call it bad angle
call it fake
call it anything except what it is: obscene, You cry
shout, beg me to listen
to drop the armor for one second
let the truth in like air
I throw your evidence in the trash and lecture you about respect and who actually cares.
Thing is, I know I’m lying, fully, deeply
every time I double down on a story that doesn’t hold
I can feel my own gut twisting
screaming that I’m the villain in this scene
not some misunderstood wreck
But to admit that would mean every past battle I “won” by force was just me scared of being small
So I add one more brick to the statue
Even as it starts to fall.
I am too big to bleed
that is the lie I carved into my skull like scripture I refuse to revise
If I start to leak, if I let one wound show
the whole facsimile of me collapses in my own eyes
So I will burn this house, this town, this bond
this platform before I say “you’re right
I fucked this deed
” I would rather die the myth in my head Than live and bleed.
When they find me stuck under the wreckage of my own myth
lungs crushed by all the stories I refused to concede
Carve on the stone: “He could have lived if he’d admitted he was human
” But he was Too big to bleed.