Tongue Piercings And Panic Attacks
You had metal in your tongue before you had words for what your chest did in crowded rooms and bright hallways
Clicking it against your teeth while you waited outside venues
pretending the knot in your ribs was just front fright
Ink on your arms, rings in your ears
whole look screaming “I don’t care” while your hands shook in your pockets at every train
You learned to hide hyperventilation behind stupid jokes and deep breaths that never quite stayed in the line.
We met in a line outside a tiny club that smelled like old beer and spilt stories
you chewing on that bar in your mouth like a coin
Barely holding still
foot tapping fast enough to power a small town light
You laughed too loud at something I said
then confessed you had already mapped every exit
every alley, just in case, I said “same
” raised my cup
and for the first time that night the tightness in both our shoulders lost a little space.
Punk outside, shaking inside
that is the pairing nobody advertises on shirts and posters and streaming lists
Still we keep turning up
hearts drumming like double kick under ribs
pretending nobody knows
Until someone else with the same twitch in their jaw and shine in their eyes catches the pulse and it finally slows.
Tongue piercings and panic attacks
steel and jitters sharing the same small mouth and chest
You kiss like you are trying to prove you are alive
then pull back to count my breaths and check I am not a mess
We hold each other up in bathrooms that smell like cleaner and low end
two anxious punks giving each other a place to rest
Tongue piercings and panic attacks
fast hearts pressed together like armor under ripped vests.
First time we tried to hook up, you had to sit down
dizzy from the rush of wanting and fear
You pressed your back to my bedroom wall
slid down laughing and crying, saying “wow
my brain picked a hell of a night to steer
” I sat on the floor across from you
lifted my shirt to show my own old scar from when breathing felt optional
Told you about the time four white walls got me through a midnight impulse at the hospital.
From then on, we made a deal
If either chest starts fluttering like a trapped bird
we pause the heat, Drink water, sit on the floor
count the exits, make up dumb words, No performance
no shame
just two nervous systems trying not to leave each other in the street.
Tongue piercings and panic attacks
steel and jitters sharing the same small mouth and chest
You kiss like you are trying to prove you are alive
then pull back to count my breaths and check I am not a mess
We hold each other up in bathrooms that smell like cleaner and low end
two anxious punks giving each other a place to rest
Tongue piercings and panic attacks
fast hearts pressed together like armor under ripped vests.
One night the lights cut out during a set
whole room went dark and loud, wave with no shore
I felt my vision blur, lungs clamp
that familiar oh no knocking hard at the door
You grabbed my wrist
pressed the cool metal of your tongue against my lip
murmured “stay with me, we are getting to the door
” Walked me out through bodies and sound
never letting go
never letting the cold win till we hit the sidewalk floor. Tongue piercings and panic attacks
that is our duet, off key and still right on time
We shake together, laugh together
kiss through the terror and the sweat and the chime Of alarms in our heads that never fully quiet
yet learn new rhythms in this shared fight
Tongue piercings and panic attacks
two scared hearts holding hands in the dark light.