Break Your Halo With My Hands
I want to break your halo
with my hands
tear every compliment
off your skin
Watch the crowd freeze
as your perfect front caves in
You walk into the room
and the air changes
people straighten
voices lean toward you
like metal to a magnet in the floor
Every eye tracks your swagger
while I hug the wall
fists curling in my sleeves
till the nails leave crescents
in the skin they tore
You flash that easy grin
talk about “luck” and “hard work”
like those words were not carved
out of other folks’ backs
I stand behind you in every photograph
wanting to rip the shine off your face
like peeling letters off plaques
You got the breaks
the calls
the gig
the raise
the girl
the applause
the weight that always falls your way
I got the excuses
the “maybe next time”
the “you were close”
the slammed doors
and the stale taste of decay
You pat my shoulder
say I will get there too
say my time will come
if I keep grinding through the pain
I imagine that same shoulder snapping
under my hands
collarbone cracking
like dry wood in the rain
This is not jealousy
that wants your autograph
and a chance to sit near your throne
This is the urge to drag you
off your pedestal
and leave you in the road
alone
When you brag about your grind
I see the nights I carried your weight
and mine
while you slept through calls
and missed the dirt
You call it sacrifice
I call it theft wearing a suit
pretending it did not leave blood
on my shirt
You think I do not notice
how your stories leave me out
or turn me into a sidekick
in the corner of your rise
I picture grabbing your throat mid-sentence
and squeezing
until the lie dies
I will not do it
I know that
I will keep my fists in my pockets
and my rage in my teeth
But every time you praise your own myth
I count the bruises underneath
Some nights I dream I finally swing
knock you flat
take the mic
while the crowd gasps in fright
Then wake up in the same old room
grinding envy
on the edge of the night
When they write your story
in some glossy book
and leave me in footnotes
cold and bland
They will never know
how many times I pictured
breaking your halo
with my hands