When You Finally Fall

When You Finally Fall

I have watched you win for so long that my hate aged with you
lines cut deep across my skull
From kids on bikes to grown men on stages
every era of your life built on chances that bypassed me like a rigged pull
Every job, every lover
every seat saved at every table while I ate standing up in the kitchen alone
You stack wins after wins in photos

I stack teeth marks on my tongue and bone.
They call you “good guy, ” “solid, ” “self-made
” throw medals at your chest like you invented climbing out of the dirt
I remember the corners you cut, the backs you rode
the ideas you lifted without flinching while I bled in a torn shirt
You moved past it, moved up, moved on
built a myth out of selective memory and a clean smile

I stayed here with the receipts
Counting inches all the while.
I do not want an apology
I want gravity to remember my side of the street
I want to see you trip just once
Face first on the concrete.

When you finally fall
I want front row seats to the mess
Want to hear the crowd gasp when you confess
If envy damns me
carve it into stone and hang it on my wall
All I ever asked from the universe Was to see you fall.

One day your luck will run thin, your charm will crack
your body will quit protecting you from the blows we took
Some scandal, some sickness
some simple twist in the road that makes the crowd take a second look
On that day I will not rush over
will not hold your hand
will not say “you will get through this” like a loyal pet

I will sit on the curb and watch, finally calm
Watching the scores reset.
You will look around for the old crew
for the safety net
for the quiet ones you left behind in the grind
You will not find us
we learned to live without you while you climbed and climbed

Maybe then for a flicker of a second you will feel what it is like to stand where I have stood
On the outside of the circle, Staring in at the good.
When you finally fall
I want front row seats to the mess
Want to hear the crowd gasp when you confess
If envy damns me
carve it into stone and hang it on my wall

All I ever asked from the universe Was to see you fall.
If it never happens and you ride that charmed run right into the grave with everyone still singing your praise
I will die grinding my teeth in the cheap seats
Envy carved in my gaze.