The Interest in Maintaining Interest
The recursive loop of caring that I care—
the interest in the interest, the aware
thing asking of itself: do you still want
this wanting? The self-monitoring font
of the second-order grey, the meta-
level of the flat: the letter
inside the letter, the thought about the thinking,
the grey reviewing grey while slowly sinking.
The interest in maintaining interest,
the effort past the effort, the insist
of self-willed engagement when the genuine went quiet—
I built the want from parts, I ran the riot
of the manufactured caring, and it held,
the built enthusiasm compelled
the real to follow, interest following interest—
the effort of the maintaining: manifest.
The mornings when the wanting comes pre-loaded,
I pocket it, I don’t get overcrowded
with analysis—the given day,
I take the freely offered and I stay
inside it. When the wanting doesn’t show,
I’m the foreman of the effort, slow
construction of the caring, steel by steel—
the built engagement is engagement: real.
What I’ve learned about the second-order grey:
the made thing and the born thing run the same way
once they’re running. Interest built from will
becomes the genuine—it circulates, it fills
the hour like the natural. I’ve been doing this
for years, the maintenance, the practiced bliss
of manufactured caring, and it holds—
the recursive loop resolves, the interest: bold.