The Anger in the Grief

The Anger in the Grief

Nobody talks about the anger because it seems wrong
you are supposed to be sad, that is the expected note
but the anger was in me from the beginning and it was real
I was angry at the dying and I want to quote
I was angry he had not taken better care of himself
I was angry at the hospital for the specific ways it failed
I was angry at myself for the things I had not said in time
I was angry at the friends who did not show and trailed
the anger in the grief is not a sign of not-loving
it is the other side of the same intense care
you do not get angry about the loss of something casual
the anger proves how much was there
the anger eventually found its way to something softer
not because the anger was wrong but because it was expensive
to carry the anger and the grief together is a full-time job
and at some point the anger became too intensive
what I kept was not the anger but the information
the things the anger was pointing at that needed doing
the conversations I had been too polite to have
the places I had been too diplomatic in pursuing