Suicide Is Always An Option Part 2
They don’t say it in the daylight
they mutter it at four a.m. to the fan and the wall
When the bills look like a verdict and the past feels ten sizes too tall
“I could end this if I wanted
” like a matchbox in the drawer, Not a promise
just a sentence that proves the cage ain’t sealed anymore.
It’s the dark little calculus you only do when no one’s around
Staring at the ceiling thinking “I could just lay this burden down
” Not a plan, not a schedule
just the farthest point on the line
A door at the end of a hallway that says “you’re here by choice
not default.”
Hook
They say suicide is always an option sitting way out past the pain
Just knowing there’s a final door keeps some folks halfway sane
But if that’s the last escape
I’m working backward from that ledge
Looking for closer exits, cheaper costs, a softer edge.
If I can choose the final silence
then I can choose a smaller break
I can quit this job that’s chewing through my bones like rust and wake
I can leave this room, this town
this bed where nightmares never rest
If I’m free to blow it all away
I’m free to walk out second-best.
If I can picture dropping off the map and never calling back
I can picture blocking numbers, leaving groups
stepping off that track, Block the trolls
kill the phone for one whole night
Let the world spin without me while I claw back one small right.
Some nights I sit on the balcony rail and watch the empty street
Think “I could end this story here” and feel that shiver in my feet
Then I run the tape a little further
see the mess that choice would leave, All the faces
all the questions, all the mouths that have to grieve.
If I can choose to pull the plug
I can choose to make a call
Tell a friend “I’m not okay
I’m standing too close to the wall
” Tell a stranger with a notebook “here’s the shit I never say
” Let them help me sort it till I make it through the day.
If I can picture walking off the bridge and letting water take the rest
I can picture moving apartments
buying secondhand at best
Sell half the things I own so I can breathe one month more
Turning “I could disappear” into “I can walk right out this door.”