Second Place Ghost

You get the job
I get the email that says “we were impressed
but went in another direction, ” You get the house
I get the tour
pretending not to taste rust while I compliment your selection
You get the ring and the photos and the friends screaming joy into the air like gold dust
I get the inbox invite to the ceremony

front row ticket to the life I almost had.
Every time I line up at the gate, broken knuckles
teeth gritted, ready for once to take the win
Some smoother bastard slides in smiling, shakes my hand
walks past me, walks right in, I clap on cue
say “happy for you
” force the grin till my cheeks hurt and my tongue goes numb

Then walk home alone rehearsing every self that never crawled out of the slum.
I am the almost
the runner-up rattle behind your victory tune
You shine under fireworks
I stare at a second-place moon.

I am a second place ghost haunting your success
Standing just outside the frame while you pose in your best
If envy burns, then my ribs are a furnace going hot
I wanted that life you wear so easy, I wanted it right.
You complain about stress in that house I dreamed of when my ceiling leaked brown and the floor curled up from damp misery
Talk about pressure in that job I would have killed for when I was scraping shifts just to keep from slipping into history
You call your good fortune “a mixed bag

” shrug off the joy like it weighs you down
I grind my teeth till they crack while you say you miss the old town.
Try trading places for a year in my skin
Wake up where futures go to rust in cheap light and thin air
Then tell me you are bored of the view, I dare you
I fucking dare.

I am a second place ghost haunting your success
Standing just outside the frame while you pose in your best
If envy burns, then my ribs are a furnace going hot
I wanted that life you wear so easy, I wanted it right.
When you praise your milestones and forget I exist again this year
Picture me just past the doorframe
Grinding down another tooth, Swallowing another tear.