Hot Mess Emergency Contact
You listed me on your HR form as the person to call if everything at work caught fire and you forgot your own ID
I laughed when you told me
said “that’s a terrible idea
I’m barely holding it together, ” you said “yeah
exactly, we play the same part
” Middle of a Tuesday my phone rings with an unknown number
I almost let it go to voicemail like every scam and wrong dial
Then hear your boss mispronounce my last initial and say there was a panic attack in the break room
can you come for a while.
I turn up in mismatched shoes, shirt inside out
breath still tasting like the coffee I swallowed too fast on the train
Find you in a supply closet with your knees to your chest
breathing like the walls are closing in again
You look up, see me, exhale half a laugh and half a sob
say “sorry, I don’t know why I’m like this
I’m supposed to be grown
” I sit down on the tile beside you, bump your shoulder
say “you are, and grown people still fall apart
you just did it where everyone could see instead of alone.”
You think I am some kind of hero for picking up
for turning up
for knowing all the tricks to keep a spiraling mind on the track
Truth is I am just as lost
I just happen to be standing when the call hits and I know what it feels like not to have anyone call back
We are two idiots sharing one brain cell that learned how to dial
that is the whole hack.
I am your hot mess emergency contact
the contact they read off the clipboard when you forget how to stand
The one who turns up with bad jokes and water bottles and the softest swear words I can fit in my hand
You do not have to be fine for me
you just have to stay, to breathe
to keep picking up when life gets out of hand
I am your hot mess emergency contact, and yeah, babe
you are mine too, that is the plan.
Later that night you knock on my door with grocery store cupcakes and a bottle of something cheap but sweet
Say “thanks for not making it weird
for not looking at me like I am broken or childish or incomplete
” We sit on the floor, frosting on our fingers
trading stories about every time we almost moved out of our own lives
Laugh when we realize how often a text, a meme
a quick call from each other is the rope that arrives.
We are not fixing each other
we are signing our own survival with shared snacks and ugly crying on couches at two
Holding each other’s hands through paperwork
doctor visits, apology emails
all the things we hate to do
Emergency contact does not mean savior
it just means when your shit hits the fan
I am right there in the view.
I am your hot mess emergency contact
the contact they read off the clipboard when you forget how to stand
The one who turns up with bad jokes and water bottles and the softest swear words I can fit in my hand
You do not have to be fine for me
you just have to stay, to breathe
to keep picking up when life gets out of hand
I am your hot mess emergency contact, and yeah, babe
you are mine too, that is the plan.
One day maybe we will both be a little more stable
fewer crises
more boring nights arguing about which movie to start
Maybe those forms will still have our contacts
not because we are drowning
but because we held each other through the worst and did not depart
Even then
when the phone rings and it is you saying “hey
I am not okay
” I will still grab my keys and my stubborn heart
Emergency contact is not just a line on paper
it is the promise that I will turn up when your world comes apart.
I am your hot mess emergency contact, and you are mine
two disasters learning how to be there without losing our own ground
We answer each other’s calls in grocery lines
in bathroom stalls, on sidewalks
every time the world feels too loud
You never have to apologize for needing help
this is what we signed up for when we chose each other in this crowd
Hot mess emergency contact, baby, that is us
scared and still turning up, raw and proud.
Next time you fill out a form and write my contact down next to that little blank line for who to call if it all goes wrong
Know I am doing the same with yours
humming our stupid anthem under my breath
staying alive with this shared song.