Don’t Turn Me Into Your Recovery Arc
You walk up to my door
with a suitcase of bad nights
and a highlight reel of people
who walked away
when you were too much
Eyes already wet
voice already shaking
saying you do not know
why everyone leaves
once they get close enough to touch
You say you need someone patient
someone strong
someone who can handle your triggers
then you look at me
like I am a rehab center
with a heartbeat
You talk about your exes
like villains and lifeguards
who quit halfway through the rescue
when the waves got rough
Skip over the part
where you held their heads under too sometimes
where you called at three in the morning
and hung up
when the care felt tough
I am not saying you are the problem
I know your past is vicious
and your scars did not appear by choice
I am saying I will not be the saint
in your story who saves you
with hugs and perfect tone
and never once loses their voice
I will listen when your ghosts get loud
hold you when your hands shake
cook soup on the nights
you cannot leave bed
But I will not audition
for the role of miracle cure
I will not let you write my value
as what I pull from your head
If your love only works
when I am pouring into you
that isn’t love
that is hunger
dressed as a bed
Do not turn me
into your recovery arc
the shining partner
who walks in halfway through your season
and cleans the mess
I am not your therapist
not your saint
not your final proof
that love can survive every test
I am wrecked too
held together with coffee
meds
and tape
trying not to sink
under my own chest
You say no one ever stayed long enough
to see the soft parts
under your meltdown claws
and your late reply
Then get mad when I do not answer
every text within seconds
when I admit I am tired
and my own brain is running dry
You want someone
who will sacrifice sleep
money
sanity
to prove they will not leave
like the rest
But if my love is measured
in how fast I abandon myself for you
that is not devotion
that is you
failing the test
I’d rather be the one who says
“I love you too much
to let you treat me
like a fire extinguisher behind glass”
We can go to therapy
separately
together
or not at all
that choice has more doors than one
We can stand in the same storm
share umbrellas
share flasks
share jokes about how neither of us
is getting this shit done
But if you expect my love
to heal every old wound
while you sit back and watch
calling it fate
Then I am out
not because you are broken
but because you are making my heart
your only tool
and calling that fun
Do not turn me
into your recovery arc
love me as a human
not a cure
or this whole thing
breaks like smoke