Die On This Hill
I will die on this hill
even if it’s made of trash
and bad calls
and ego
and spite
If you try to pull me off it
I’ll bite
You show me a path
around the problem
clear as day
gentle
no shame in your eyes
I feel my chest tighten
feel that old reflex kick in
say “no, fuck that
this is the way
you’re wrong
I don’t compromise”
You tell me we’re losing money
losing friends
losing health
by clinging to this one bad call
I stomp my boots
plant my flag in bullshit
dare the whole world to fall
Boss says “change the plan or we fold”
friends say “back down or we’re done”
partner says “let this go or you lose us”
I hear one thing
“if you bend, you’re no one”
So I double down
triple down
quadruple down
watch everything peel off
like paint in a storm
Hold the line
for a choice I barely even believe in anymore
just to keep myself warm
If I give an inch
I feel like I disappear
so I’ll take us all
the way over the edge
long as I’m still here
You come back one last time
eyes red
voice gone
say “we can still fix some of it
if you just admit you fucked up”
I see the open door
feel the weight in my hands
and still I spit
“no, you’re the one who gave up”
You walk away empty
but lighter
done playing medic
for my self-inflicted wounds
I stand on my little mound of ruin
screaming at the sky
Years from now
when the fallout finally settles
and there’s no one left
who even remembers
what I was fighting for
I’ll still be telling the story in my head
like I was some martyr
who held pure ground in a war
Ignoring the fact
that I could have had peace
love
maybe even joy
if I’d dropped my fucking shield
But I chose to be right
instead of alive
chose the hill
over the field
When they find my bones up here
clutching a flag
nobody else even recognizes anymore
They’ll say “he was stubborn as hell”
never knowing
what I really died for