Dead Battery Soul

Dead Battery Soul

Dead battery soul
lights dim
nothing turns over
when I twist the key

Used to wake up wired
ideas sprinting out of me
faster than my hands could write
now I wake up feeling
like a dead car in a frozen lot
every thought heavy as night

People say
“just start, the energy comes
once you move”
like I haven’t tried
hitting that ignition
till my wrist went raw

Engine coughs once
twice
goes silent
just that familiar
sinking lead

I watch them plug themselves
into caffeine
self-help
whatever keeps their motors hot
running from meeting to meeting
building fortunes out of thin air
while I sit in the same spot

They call me a drag
dead weight
say I should just push through
as if this flatline in my spirit
is some small problem
I can choose to undo

If drive was a switch
you think I wouldn’t kick it
you cannot “just do it”
when the circuit
can’t even flick it

I remember wanting things once
big stupid shining things
that felt worth bleeding for
and building from scratch

Then life hit
like a steel boot to the chest
and every failure tore a wire
every loss cut another latch

Now wanting hurts worse than apathy
because wanting shows me
how far gone I am
from being that kid

So I smother the want
and let the numbness sit
where the light expired

Don’t preach miracles
unless you are willing
to stay through the rot

Everyone loves the win
nobody sticks around
for the parts where you can’t get off the cot

If someday a spark drops back
into this husk
and the engine grinds itself
awake again

I will move
I will run
maybe even fight
but until then
I am not pretending
for your gain