Apathetic as Fuck
You call me apathetic
but I just do not care
I ran out of fucks
three breakdowns ago
there is nothing left in there
Alarm goes off
I swipe it dead
same way I kill every plan
that ever tries to crawl into my day
People talk about grind
hustle
passion
I look at the ceiling thinking
maybe I will just rot here
and let the hours decay
Messages stack like dirty dishes
everyone wanting advice or help
or some kind of spark
I do not even have for myself
I scroll past all of it
thumb numb
motivation shut off
and left on the shelf
They say it is a phase
say I just need a goal
some vision board crap
and a better way to track my time
Like this is a scheduling issue
and not the fact
that my spirit feels like a dead battery
soaking in slime
I used to care
I used to light up
used to bleed effort
for people who barely looked back
when I burned
now I cannot even fake interest
in my own survival
lesson learned
You call it lazy
you call it weak
you say “get up, just move your feet”
like my limbs are not concrete
and my head is not fogged to hell
save your pep talk
I know this too well
Bills pile up
laundry stinks
fridge light hits nothing
but old takeout
and half a soda gone flat
I know I should get up
clean it
fix it
live like a human
not a ghost under a blanket
but fuck it
I am past all that
Every chore looks like a mountain
I have already slid down
in the rain
so I lay here
and let dust write messages on the floor
where I lie
This is not brave
this is not deep
this is me
too tired to keep pretending
every day is a battle
worth suiting up to win
Sometimes the bravest thing I do
is admit
I do not want to begin
If I ever move
it will not be for your speeches
or your charts
or your “you can do it” prayer
It will be because something inside
finally twitches again
not because you care