All-You-Can-Bleed

This is all-you-can-bleed
not all-you-can-eat
every mouthful slices deeper
through the seat

Lonely hearts with cracked screens
tired eyes
dead hopes piled on plastic trays
loading up with meat and sugar
till the table looks like a car crash
in the fluorescent haze

I sit in the corner
gulping gravy and shame
waiting for the hunger
that still screams the same

I learned early
that if something felt good
it was supposed to be rationed
sliced thin

Parents counting bites
asking if I really needed more
while their own eyes looked in

Now I sprint down aisles
with a cart like a hearse
grabbing everything my throat demanded
pile cake on top of fried everything
swallow until my belt snaps

You sit across from me
with salad and judgement
pretend your hunger
isn’t screaming in your head
at least my sin shows

Servers keep asking if I am okay
if I really want another round
of grease and sugar
but the register does not complain
it just counts the cost
of this desperate hunger

I lick the plate clean
to shut up the part of me
that whispers about restraint
I did self-denial for decades
now I want the whole buffet
and I do not care
if it ruins the paint

This table is my altar
this fork is my blade
every bite another deal
with the monster I made

I know it is killing me
that is half the thrill
you cannot hurt me
with what I already use
as a pill

When the lights go out
and the chairs flip up
mop swishing through the mess we leave
there is always one smear
on the floor they miss

a little red curve
that spells out
“never relieve”