Love My Way

I talk about eating people for fun.
I’ve got a dead goldfish collection.
I told you I’d peel your face off
and replace it with someone better looking.

I wrote you love letters
from hell’s point of view.
Shaved satanic symbols
into your cat.

You smiled and said you’d always be mine.

I had you committed for the holidays
so I could drink the bonus in peace.
Posted those pictures.
Told your father things no father should hear.

You said you loved me.
I asked why.
You blinked and called me a great guy.

So I swapped your shampoo with Nair
and I still can’t figure out
why you’re here.

I sold your TV. Wrecked your car.
Stole your wallet, hit the bar,
came home with a gift
that keeps on giving.

Wore your underwear when you weren’t looking.
Danced around in your bikini backwards.
Used your toothbrush for things
no toothbrush should see.

You found out.
You stayed.

It must be love.
Or you’re just insane.
Something’s broken in your brain.

Either way,
I think you like the pain.