Crucified

Crucified

Yesterdays never forgotten,
here in psychobabylon.
It melds itself into today
and I can never move on.

You thought I was .. a problem before.
You ain’t seen nothing yet.

Waiting on the backflow
but I know it just ain’t coming yet.
No one … ever taught me ..
.. how to forgive and forget.

Disconnected voices
transverse round my head.
Artifacts of a yesterday.
It will never be dead.

You thought my wrath was something before.
You ain’t seen nothing yet.

Waiting on the flood
but I know it just ain’t coming yet.
No one … ever gave me ..
.. permission to forgive and forget.

I weep but my eyes stay dry,
a face I have to keep.
Expectations of myself,
the weight I never sleep.
Caught in this cycle
where truths get lost in lies.
A ghost inside my soul
with a fractured heart that cries.

Feeling like a cancer,
a rogue cellular dissident.
Consuming all I exist for,
suicidal miscreant.

You thought I was a problem before.
The flood you’re waiting for won’t come.
No lesson in my punishment.
I stand crucified,
outside your reach of redemption.

You once saw me as a savior.
That’s a ghost of the past.
If you believed in my resurrection,
you were wrong. It won’t last.

No guide exists for forgiveness
or to break the chain.

Look into my eyes.
Look out of my eyes.
Beyond the lies.
Crucified.