You’re Allowed To Say No To Me
You stand in the doorway chewing on your lip
phone in your hand like it bit you first and refuses to let go
I ask if you want to hang tonight, watch something dumb
maybe order wings and ice cream and let the whole week slow
You look at me with that half guilty tilt in your shoulders
already apologizing with your eyes before you even sound out a word
You say “I am tired, I should want to see you, I know
but my brain feels like mush and my body feels wrong.”
You start to stack excuses like shaky blocks
maybe next time, maybe later
I just need to push through
You talk yourself into saying yes while every part of you screams to stay home in old pajamas and let your bones reboot too
I watch the war happen behind your face
the part that never wants to disappoint swinging at the part that simply needs rest
I put my hands up, step back, and say “hey, pause
this is not a test.”
No relationship worth keeping is measured by how often you override your own health to keep my feelings neat
I would rather see you fresh next week than watch you drag yourself out of bed tonight just to fall asleep on my feet
You are not made of fragile bone that will shatter if you disappoint me
you are allowed to protect your own beat.
You are allowed to say no to me, even when I miss you
even when I pout for a minute in my messy room
Even when my night softens around the idea of your laugh and your shampoo smell cutting through the room
You are allowed to say “I cannot” tonight without a three page essay and a side of doom
You are allowed to say no to me
and I will still be here when you are ready to step out of your cocoon.
Later you text a full paragraph typed with shaking thumbs
saying you hope I am not mad
that you feel like a bad friend
You say where you come from, “no” is a dirty word
something that ends everything
not something that bends
I send back a selfie of me in sweatpants
middle finger up at that old story lodged in your spine
Type “I care more about you breathing than any plan we had
my ego can stand in line.”
Love is not measured by how often you push yourself past tired
past pain, past sane
It is measured in how safe you feel saying “I am out of gas” without my face falling like you brought shame
If I cannot handle one small boundary
I do not deserve your wild, bright, complicated flame.
You are allowed to say no to me, even when I miss you
even when I pout for a minute in my messy room
Even when my night softens around the idea of your laugh and your shampoo smell cutting through the room
You are allowed to say “I cannot” tonight without a three page essay and a side of doom
You are allowed to say no to me
and I will still be here when you are ready to step out of your cocoon.
One day you will say no without flinching
without adding a sorry or ten explanations on the back
Just a clean “I am wiped, talk tomorrow
” followed by you closing your eyes and cutting yourself slack
On that day I will cheer from my couch, raise my mug
and send you a sticker of a raccoon in a comfy sack
Because your no is not rejection
it is self respect putting your pulse back on track.
Till then I will keep reminding you You are allowed to say no to me
to anyone
to any demand that burns your fuse down to the wick
Your worth is not tied to how often you say yes while your heart quietly feels sick
You can love me and still cancel plans and still be someone I want around when life turns thick
You are allowed to say no to me
and I promise not to turn that into some tragic trick.
Next time your mouth gears up to say yes while your whole body screams no like a siren on the inside
Hear my voice in your head saying “sit down, breathe
choose you, ” I am not going anywhere
I am on your side.