More Than Enough To Kill Me

I want the last bite, the last bill, the last word
the last hit stuffed into my shaking hand till my bones creak under the haul
Every time I get what I begged for, the rush fades fast
leaves a bigger hole grinning in the middle of it all
I stack toys, bodies, paychecks, views, trophies
anything that shines for a second in a crooked pile next to my bed
Stare at the mountain at midnight, empty as ever

whisper “more” with a dry mouth and a ringing head.
You tell me I have enough
that most would kill for half of what sits rotting in my drawers and accounts and shelves
I hear white noise when you talk
only one word ringing in my skull while you list the ways I should be proud of my self
I fought my way out of nothing and dragged that nothing with me
turned it into a hunger that never learned the word “stop

” Every win just proves the next one might exist
That is why I can’t drop.
I told myself once I crossed some line, some number
some height, I’d breathe
Instead I just moved the bar And clenched my teeth.

I want more than enough to kill me
more than any sane life needs
You call it greed like an insult, I call it air
I call it the only thing that feeds
If I end up broke in every way that counts
on the floor with all my treasures thrown around me like ash by the door
You will find my hand still reaching out

Begging for more.
I watch your eyes track the shit I own
that mix of envy and disgust you keep trying to smooth off your face
You think you’re better than me because you stopped at “enough
” stayed soft, stayed kind, stayed in one place
You have no idea how hard it is to walk away when you finally get a taste of power after starving your whole youth
Hard to stop when the universe that ignored you suddenly listens Every time you demand proof.

I know this will rot every bond I have
turn my story into a warning whispered low
He will sell you out, he will drain you dry
he will gut this house for one more thing
I tell myself I can quit whenever
that I run this hunger, not the other way around
Then I hear about another prize out there And drop everything for that sound.

Begging for more.
When the vaults are empty and the phones stop ringing and the lights blink off one by one
I will still be bargaining with the dark
Begging this hunger Not to be done.