Kiss My Beautiful Chaos

I used to write apologies in my head for every sharp edge
every mood swing
every too-loud laugh that filled the room like a bomb
Used to fold myself down so small I could feel my own pulse ticking “be good
be quiet, stay calm
” Then I got tired of standing in the corner of my own life like an extra in a movie I didn’t want to shoot
So I lit a match under all that shame

watched it curl into smoke
and walked out through the ashes in my scuffed-up boots.
My kitchen is a museum of half-finished projects and experiments that went sideways
paint on the chairs, chords on the floor
My head is a junk drawer overturned in a thunderstorm
every paper marked “deal with later” blowing out the door
I fall in love with strangers on the bus for exactly three stops

then forget their faces but remember the songs they hummed
I make promises I mean with my whole chest
then trip on the timing, show up late, slightly drunk
still waiting to become unstrung.
If you want a tidy partner
someone cool and contained with a spotless past and matching socks
You should walk, run, catch a ride

go find them in some staged photo with a life inside a box
I am made of wrong turns, dirty jokes, bright ideas
tears, and busted locks.
Kiss my beautiful chaos, if you love me, love the storm
All the piles on the shelves and the bed that keeps you warm
I will hold you like religion and still swear at the sky when things go south
Kiss my beautiful chaos, every sharp word in my mouth.

I’ll send you long
late messages with too many feelings and dumb memes attached just to keep it sincere
I’ll forget the date of something important
then stay up all night making a handmade card just to make it clear
I will say the wrong thing at least once a week
probably more
but the “I’m sorry” will be loud and real

I don’t know how to love halfway
I only know how to show up raw so you can feel.
So if you’re here for the ride
understand the road will crack and twist and sometimes feel like hell
I won’t promise you an easy path
just that I’ll share my snacks, my playlists
and every secret I can tell

If that sounds like heaven and disaster mixed together
then kid, we might just fit too well.
Kiss my beautiful chaos, if you love me, love the storm
All the piles on the shelves and the bed that keeps you warm
I will hold you like religion and still swear at the sky when things go south
Kiss my beautiful chaos, every sharp word in my mouth.

To everyone who ever told me “tone it down
you’re overwhelming, you’re too loud, too strange
too much
” May your nights be haunted by all the love you turned away because you were scared to touch
I am done auditioning for roles in stories where my fire has to shrink
I would rather burn out blazing with my people shouting “holy fuck” before we sink.

Kiss my beautiful chaos, or step back and let me shine
I am not a fix-up project, I am exactly this by design
A walking, talking overload of color, noise
and thick skin, Kiss my beautiful chaos
or go find a trick you can win.

I’ll be here with my mess and my music and my heart beating fast
Kiss my beautiful chaos
if you’re brave enough to last.