I Don’t Need Your Help
I’d rather drag a couch up six flights of stairs by myself before I call anyone to help with the end
I’d bleed out under a car, hands slick, lungs burning
than admit I needed a friend, You offer tools, time
knowledge, and I tell you “I’ve got it covered
” even as the engine seizes and the rent goes late
I would rather watch it all fall apart alone than let you see I can’t handle the weight.
I wear burnout like a badge
brag about the little sleep I get
Turn exhaustion into a contest I always win
laugh off the panic and the sweat
You say “let me take something off your plate
” and it hits my pride like a curse in this place
I’d rather choke on the load than let you see the breakdown on my face.
I know this kills me, I know this kills us
But if I lean on you I feel like dust.
I don’t need your help
that’s the lie I staple to my tongue every time I’m about to drown
If you reach in, I’ll slap your hand, call you clingy
call you nosy, push you down, If pride takes me out
let the epitaph read: “He wouldn’t let anyone in to set down the belt
” He smiled through gritted teeth and said
“I don’t need your help.”
One by one
the people who tried to stay start backing away
drained from being blocked at every door
They offered rides, advice, keys, chances
and got met with a locked jaw and a “I’ve done this all before
” I sit in the ruins, proud and alone
telling myself nobody ever really cared
Underneath that story is the ache of losing them because the load was never shared.
The sick joke is I want someone stubborn enough to stay
To force their way past my bullshit and pry the weight from my arms someday
But the second they try
I bare my teeth and push them out
Then sit there shaking, Too proud to shout.
I don’t need your help
that’s the lie I staple to my tongue every time I’m about to drown
If you reach in, I’ll slap your hand, call you clingy
call you nosy, push you down, If pride takes me out
let the epitaph read: “He wouldn’t let anyone in to set down the belt
” He smiled through gritted teeth and said
“I don’t need your help.”
When I finally drop the box I was so determined to carry on my own and it crushes my chest
Just know there were hands all around me
I just decided I knew best.