Holy Mess Hallelujah

I woke up stuck to the couch in yesterday’s jeans with a hangover halo buzzing round my skull like a broken fridge
Phone full of bills, missed calls
three “we should talk” and one “you’re late again
we’re burning the bridge
” Kitchen looks like God sneezed glitter and ramen packets all over a sink that gave up last week on being clean
And I’m staring at my busted coffee maker like it’s a hostage negotiator
begging it to make some steam.

Every stain on the carpet, every crack in the wall
every dish in the stack
Keeps spelling out a crooked sermon that the glossy people always lack
If this is failure
then why doesn’t my stubborn heart want to go back?

Holy mess hallelujah
I am blessed in all the wrong ways, Spilling coffee
spilling feelings, tripping over all my half-fixed days
Raise your hands if you’re a fuckup who still wakes up somehow scraping through
Holy mess hallelujah
this broken choir still sings the truth.

I’ve got friends who swear by planners, vision boards
and twelve step morning routines with lemon water and a cleanse
I’ve got sticky notes that say “buy milk” buried under pizza boxes
song drafts, and ends I’ll never make amends
I keep meaning to be polished, calm
the sort of gentle soul people brag about bringing home and posting on their weekend feeds
But my spirit keeps kicking the furniture

swearing at the sky
and tearing up the garden just to water the weeds.
Every time I choke on shame and try to swallow back my laugh and read the room
Something in my ribs kicks hard and says “to hell with all the doom
” If I’m wrong for this world
then I’ll make a little space right here in the gloom.

Bring your cracked screens, your bounced checks
your nervous tics and restless feet
Bring your panic laughs, your thunder moods
and the mess out on the street
If grace is only meant for saints who never swear and never bleed
Then I’ll build my own weird chapel out of trash and honest need.

Hands up if you ever thought “I’m too far gone
no second try
” Hands up if you stayed anyway just to scream at that ugly lie
We are not the pretty story printed on a laminated page
We are off-key hosannas rattling the bars of the cage.

Double Chorus
Holy mess hallelujah
I am blessed in all the wrong ways, Spilling coffee
spilling feelings, tripping over all my half-fixed days
Raise your hands if you’re a fuckup who still wakes up somehow scraping through
Holy mess hallelujah
this broken choir still sings the truth.

Holy mess hallelujah, let the perfect ones complain
We’ll be dancing in the kitchen with our unpaid bills and leaks in the rain
If the universe is listening
let it hear this unrepentant view Holy mess hallelujah
I am flawed and I am new.

Holy mess, holy shit, holy heart that won’t submit
Hallelujah, I’m still unfit
and I’m so damn proud of it.