Heat Like a Car Crash
You walked into that bar like a bad decision already halfway down my throat
perfume hitting the wires in my skull that make me forget my own self and vote
I had a ring digging into my finger, a history, a life
a whole stack of promises lined up like dominoes in my chest
You brushed my arm, laughed too close
and every piece of stability I ever built whispered “fuck it
let it rest.”
We did not flirt, we negotiated sins
pressed knees against barstools
traded lies about how “we never do this
” both of us knowing that was shit we fed ourselves to feel smart
Fifteen minutes later I had you pinned in a bathroom with the lock half-broken
hand on your throat just light enough for you to arch into it
mouth hard enough to tear my world apart
Texts were already piling on my phone from the one waiting at home
asking if I was alright, if everything was fine
if I was on my way, I turned the sound off
bit into your shoulder, tasted someone else’s perfume
And decided I didn’t care about day.
This isn’t romance, this isn’t some star-crossed fate
This is two assholes lighting road flares On the wrong fucking interstate.
You are heat like a car crash, metal twisting
glass in the teeth, lungs full of smoke and shame
I keep crawling back for one more hit knowing every touch totals another piece of my claim
If lust is a sin, we are pileup saints
bleeding out in each other’s laps in the shoulder’s trash
I would rather die in the flicker of your nails in my back Than live without this crash.
We kept it going long past any sane exit sign
trading hotel keys and alibis
perfecting the art of lying with clear eyes
You learned how my hands shook when I tried to stop
how I ghosted friends, how I blew gigs
how I ripped wires out of my own life just to be between your thighs
I learned how you could fake tenderness like a pro
tell him you loved him, send emojis
play the perfect partner
slide right back under me between meetings like nothing broke
We were both high on that double life
on the way our bodies fit like bad habits
on the choking rush of every almost-get-caught joke.
There is a path where one of us grows up, walks away
admits we’re addicts and hits the brakes
But every time I picture losing you
my rational mind snaps like weak string and the hunger wakes
I know this ends with somebody finding proof
or a fight going sideways
or a thrown phone lighting up the truth in the worst kind of light
I still answer when you text “you up
” Two letters pulling me out into the night.
You are heat like a car crash, metal twisting
glass in the teeth, lungs full of smoke and shame
I keep crawling back for one more hit knowing every touch totals another piece of my claim
If lust is a sin, we are pileup saints
bleeding out in each other’s laps in the shoulder’s trash
I would rather die in the flicker of your nails in my back Than live without this crash.
When the truth finally hits and the sirens come and they pull our lives apart with gloves and tape and slow
disgusted stares, They will call it cheating
call it selfish, call it proof we never cared
They will never know that every time I tried to walk away
Your presence sat in the passenger seat
Daring me to stay.