Consent To Ruin

Consent To Ruin

This is consent to ruin
you say “do it”
and I hear “burn it down”

I put my hands on you
and feel entire futures drown

You walk up to my door
with your hair still wet
from someone else’s shower
jacket half-zipped
mascara smeared
like you fought your way out
of good intentions
and lost on purpose

You say you “shouldn’t be here”
say it with a smirk
that tells the truth
better than your words ever do
hips already angling
for the worst of us

I step aside
without asking questions
like this is a fire drill
we’ve rehearsed too many nights to count

Everything I swore I’d never do again
is already climbing out of my pulse
in a hungry amount

You throw your phone on the counter
like a bomb you’ve decided to ignore
silence buzzing through the kitchen
like white noise in your veins

Tell me he’s been good lately
tell me that’s the problem
you’re allergic to stable
addicted to wreckage
wired for stains

I laugh because I get it
because I’d rather feel my life crack open
than go another month sleepwalking
in a house that looks fine on paper

We’re the kind of people
you don’t leave alone together
if you want anything near you
to stay safer

We are not confused
we know exactly what this is
two consenting adults
signing a blood contract
with one long kiss

Shirt hits the floor like a verdict
you climb into my lap
and I can taste every broken promise
in your breath

You drag your nails down my throat
like you’re tracing vows
you’re about to lie to
eyes sharp with that
“fuck it, let it be death”

I could stop this
could say “go home”
could pretend I care more
about the people whose lives
we keep setting on fire
than the way your teeth feel
on my skin

Instead I grab your hips
like handlebars on a runaway train
and tell you to sin

We’re not victims
we’re volunteers
trading anniversaries and trust and sleep
for a few goddamn dirty years

You whisper “we’re terrible”
against my neck
laugh when I answer
“yeah, but we do terrible well”

Truth is
I don’t know who I am
when I’m not destroying something with you
I don’t trust myself
in any other spell

We both keep a list
in the back of our heads
of everything we’re losing
each time we reunite

But the second we’re skin to skin
I’d sell that whole list cheap
just to feel you once more

When everything finally breaks
marriages
stories
bodies
all of it
and people ask
what the hell we were thinking
while we tore our worlds in half

We’ll look at each other
in the wreckage
still wanting
still knowing
the answer is simple as shit
we liked the way we kissed