Times a Day

I wake up in the wreckage of a body that won’t lie
The ghost of every habit sharpening its alibi
I used to chase that feeling like a greyhound after smoke
Now I’m counting hollow victories and waiting for the joke
The mirror holds a stranger with a jaw I can’t believe
Thirteen times a day I reach for something I can’t receive

Thirteen times a day I’m leaning off the edge
Life’s a self-destructive loop I’m testing to the check
Thirteen times a day the hunger claws right through
Cold and numb and hollowed out by the one thing I pursue
Thirteen times a day I’m burning for the fix
Numb from what I’m chasing but I can’t escape the mix

I’ve pawned my better judgment for a nickel and a lie
Panties on the doorknob and I don’t need to know the why
The goldfish of my memory keeps circling the same bowl
Repeating all the damage that keeps eating through my soul
Under floorboards where the secrets rot and fungus makes its home
Thirteen times a day I let the bottom pull me down

The wiring in my chest is corroded down to bone
Every time I swear I’m done I’m right back in the fire
Shadows crawling up the hallway at three a.m. again
Counting all the ways a man can drown inside his skin
Flame without the warmth and whispers
where the silence lives in vain
Thirteen times a day I lose and start the count again