I was five when I found the crawlspace party
Behind the furnace, past the pipes
A circle of small chairs
Around a table set for guests
Paper plates and paper cups
Party hats and noisemakers
A birthday cake with no candles
And a banner that said my full designation
Not a surprise party, nobody was hiding
The chairs were empty but recently occupied
The cake was fresh, the frosting still soft
And one slice had already been eaten
Crawlspace birthday, the party below
Where the guests arrive through the dirt
Crawlspace birthday, the celebration
For the child who lives beneath the child
I told my parents and they tore it down
Threw away the plates, collapsed the chairs
Swept the crawlspace clean
And locked the access door
But on my sixth birthday
The party was set up again
Same table, same chairs, one more place setting
And two slices of cake eaten
Every year another setting added
Every year another slice consumed
The crawlspace growing the party
With the patience of geology
I went back at forty
The house had new owners
They let me look in the crawlspace
With a flashlight and a crooked smile
Forty place settings
Forty eaten slices from a fresh cake
And in the center of the table
Forty candles
All burning
In a space with no oxygen
Below a house with no children
Celebrating something
That has been counting
Every year
I tried to forget